We Are Too Busy

Life is busy...too busy. But when it all comes crashing to a halt, it gets your attention. I don't know about you, but I'm one of those loyal "puppy dog" people. I'll stick with it and go as far as I can with you...till I just can't go anymore. That's a part of what happened to me.

I am an RN. I was working hospice. I started working hospice two weeks after we lost my mother-in-law in the same hospice facility. I held her hand as she went to meet Jesus. Four months later, still surrounded by hospice, death, and suffering, my father-in-law (who I dearly love) became a patient in the same facility. Not only was he a patient, he was assigned to me as a patient! I sat and held his hand as he went to be with Jesus, too. Four and five years earlier, I lost my parents in the same facility, although at that time, I was not an employee.

It was a blessing to be there. I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else in the world, but it was one of those horrible blessings, the ones that reach down into your heart and try to rip it out. Add to that, the fact that when my mother-in-law became ill, I was recovering from a major surgery.

So, after my precious in-laws left us, I continued working in hospice. It was precious to me to have the honor of meeting needs in the lives of those dear ones as they were preparing to leave this world, but the toll it was taking on me was enormous. I eventually found myself depressed, putting one foot in front of the other, trying to just make it through each day. Finally, I surrendered. I could go no further. I turned in my notice, which broke my heart, because I so believe in hospice, and two weeks later, I went home.

Doctors battled over who would decide the dosage on the anti-depressant medication I was prescribed. I had a few medication reactions, which are always fun. And then I began vomiting back almost everything I ate. I vomited for about eight months before they finally figured out that my stomach was not emptying, a lovely diagnosis called "gastroparesis". Food left in the stomach sits and putrifies until it comes back.

Another fun part was that the "drug of choice" for treating gastroparesis is Reglan, but I cannot take Reglan, as it makes me feel like my heart is going to stop. The next drug of choice was erythromycin, which mimics the hormone that tells the stomach to empty. I took it about 30 minutes before each meal, and as long as I did not eat raw fruits or vegetables, beef, or pork, I did ok...for about four months. I called my GI doctor back, his reply was that erythromycin usually only works for about four months. So...I was normal. The last option, domperidone, is not available for purchase in the US. Thankfully, my doctor is wise enough to know that it can be prepared at a Compounding Pharmacy, so I was in business!

I took the domperidone for about 4-6 weeks, then an amazing thing happened! I didn't need it anymore. I still had to eat a restricted diet, as described above, but the food went down. God had done a partial healing of my stomach for me! I was thrillled.

All of this took about eight months. After three or four more weeks, I finally got well enough that I could start going to church again, and see my friends. I was like a bird let out of a cage. While I am thankful for our home, eight months is a long time to be there.

One evening, I sat down at church, opened the bulletin, and as my eyes fell onto the page, I saw the words, "Nurses needed desperately in Nicaragua." God was clearly saying to me that if I would trust Him, He would make a way. You see, I had bought into the enemy's lie that God would not ever be able to use me again. Well, Satan's lies are just that--lies. Once we identify them as a lie, we counter them with Truth. They cannot win. God did make a way. Not only did I go to Nicaragua, but I led the medical part of the team! Normally, that is done by a physician, but we had no physician, we just had little old me, fresh out of a sick-bed, but empowered by the Almighty God. While there, I had the honor of leading four people to Christ. Four dear people that I'll see in Heaven one day, and I'll introduce them to my parents, and my in-laws. I believe they were up there rooting me on, for we have a "great cloud of witnesses".

While there, our team saw 1,948 medical patients, 202 dental, and gave away 9,043 prescriptions. 280 people made decisions for Christ. That's not to glorify us, that is to glorify the One who does amazing things...things beyond what we can think, or imagine. But, I'm not the only one that battled prior to that trip. One of my nurses lost her job, one young man lost most of his worldly possessions in a fire, and another one of my nurses left behind an ill child...and there were other struggles.

The Word of God tells us that "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in Me. Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33" Could God have spared me all of my "trials and sorrows"? Yes. But if He had, I would not have seen the awesomeness of His hand in carrying me through the trial, the faithfulness of His love in sustaining me. If I had still been working, I would not have been free to make the trip to Nicaragua. There was no one else to lead that medical team, so God raised me up! At just the right time, and for His glory!

That's what it's all about, you know...His glory. It's not about us, not in the grand scheme of things, not in the light of eternity. And the sooner we realize that, the happier we'll be. We'll see God do amazing things! He's able, if we're willing.

The Journey

I'm on a journey. It's been a long one, but I haven't traveled alone. There have been many crooks and turns along the way, but I believe I've been led each step of the way. The One who walks with me has promised to lead me into all Truth. And that He is doing, one step at a time. That's a bit of a problem for me, sometimes, because like most of us, I get in a hurry. I want things my way--how I want them, when I want them. But I have to trust that there is One greater than I, wiser than I. This world we live in is full of evil and sickness, but I have a Father...a Father who has what's best for me in mind. And I'm going after it.

Many of my days here have been filled with illness. I've battled migraines. I've more diagnoses than I can remember: Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Fibromyalgia, Shoegren's Syndrome, Hypoglycemia, PMS (that's all they knew to call it in those days), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Gastroparesis, the list goes on and on. I've had multiple surgeries, interventions, doctors. I've used the medical knowledge that I've gained, both as an RN, and in my own battle. I've prayed. Others have loved me and prayed for me and with me, and I'm making great progress. But, there's still much ahead.

I spent most of a year at home, alone, trying to find out why I couldn't keep any food down. During that time, I saw my family and my doctors. One friend visited, bringing her friend along with her, and cleaned my house. Talk about a blessing! It was a lonely time, but it gave me opportunity to see just how real my Heavenly Father was, and is. And I can say with confidence, that He is ever faithful. When others left me alone, He never did.

All that to say, if you're struggling, I understand. If you're hurting, I understand. I've been there. This life can be very difficult, but you are not alone. The One who loved you enough to send His Son to die for you, that you might be forgiven and have a relationship with Him--if you've chosen Him as your Savior, He will never leave you. Your mother, or father, or husband, or wife, or child, or friend may leave you, but He never will. And now, I'm here, to encourage, to share information I've gleaned, and even to vent a little. But, I'm here.

Well, we've been introduced. I believe an interesting journey lies ahead, and I can't wait to see where it takes us. Until next time....

Much love,
Jacqui